It’s been a while since I’ve taken a moment to sit in front of this book and try to speak into it.
I've had a more than my fair share of things to say, so it hasn’t been a lack of content.
The truth is I’ve been scared to speak my mind.
Not scared to hear the words, but scared to even speak them, to give them life.
The mirror is something I’ve been avoiding for a long time now, and though I can’t blame myself for being afraid of what’s waiting in it for me, I know I can’t hide from this forever. Not if I want any of it to ever mean a goddamn thing. I suppose that is always the scariest thought. That after everything, all we’ve lost, given up, had taken away. It might all be lost in vain. It doesn’t matter what side of the line you fall on, the vain death is pointless in any language. So we’ve been fighting for purpose, to preserve the ideas we sacrifice everything for.
That right there is the struggle, to either hide in fears shadow, to stay quiet, or to fight and make it worth something.
I’ve been quiet long enough.
I’ve kept a lot of the battle silent and allowed it to play out behind the scenes.
That’s where it does its best work and the most damage.
It isn’t something that is meant to be buried, and when you do, it will find all kinds of different ways to pop up in all the wrong places. You can try hiding it, but you can’t kill it, at least not any way we've been able to figure out. It always finds pieces of you to take and erode away. For a while now its been eating away at me, but I cant let it go down this way. Not after everything we've been through.
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