It is what it isn't - date unknown

There’s no hope in trying to scrawl my heart out into one sentence.

But I try anyway.

Knowing this, my hand trembles at the implications.

But I try anyway.

No matter how many days pass by, I cannot shake the feeling that something has been taken away from me.

Not just her, but the world, it’s nature, the way it was supposed to be  This is why I walk on, because I know this isn’t the way things should be, and like a great man once said “life will find a way.”

Blindly I march through these lands unable to see the horrid truth around me.  It’s a saving grace though, and my only chance if I have any intention on finding an answer to these things crawling around in my gut.

That right there is when people start to lose themselves. 

When they stop listening to the scary voices, when they look over the most obvious and terrifying of questions. 

This is how we lose our way, to fear and his perfect cloak of darkness, and this is the way it has always been…

For me, it’s different, because I’ve already called him out for what he is. 

A fucking coward and a liar. 

A weak pathetic scoundrel who hides behind a veil of influence, shrouded in ignorance and excuse. 

It sickens me to see how many he took from us, and all the ones still caught up dancing around in his game.

But he doesn’t have me, and I made sure he knows that.  

Once and a while he sends his henchmen my way, and when they cross my path, I send them right back to him. 

In pieces.

I’ve put fear into countless men’s eyes before they died, with good reason of course.  I wanted them to see the ruthless fuck they worked for, and not even their service to him would spare them his wrath.  Pain can be a beautiful thing when it becomes this useful, especially when you can turn it on the world that has come to hate you so much.  When there’s no escaping it, you have to stop trying and survive until the way out becomes clear.  Too many times I’ve seen good men die for sticking their heads out too soon.  Stuff like that stopped bothering me a long time ago.  If I held onto it, I’d end up just as fucked as the ones I saw who couldn’t deal with the reality that had been brought to our feet.  Though I always tell myself I’m smarter than the rest, I can’t help but feel if it’s getting closer to my day to join them.  When thoughts like those creep in though, that feeling in my gut is there to kick in, and it reminds me that I cannot let it win.

Not over me, and not after all I’ve been through. 

No matter what, I will take back what has been taken from me, even if it means taking back my own death.