Sleeve Tricks - Date Unknown

I can’t say I’m surprised.  There’s no doubt in that.

The reality is I can’t say very much at all.

That being said, it’s not enough to calm the crashing tide of feeling that is churning around in me like an ocean of guilt.  I’m asking myself all the wrong questions.

“What could I have done differently?”

“Is this all my fault?”

These are the ramblings we find clutched in the cold hands of the dead.

They are nothing but a warning of where their path leads to.

It won’t be long until this reality finally hits me, but until then, I lose myself in a maze of sadness, so much so, I am reduced to the tears of a child.  The only vestige of comfort is in knowing it will not last, that sooner or later, I will come to my senses, and see this for what it really is.   Even with this hope buried deep in my heart, it’s hard to keep the cold out, and too often, I find myself holding my breath in fear of it being blown out, “gone with the wind” as they once said.  Like a sickness that passes with the days, so will this, and all these stupid useless questions will fade beyond memory.  For now I stay as strong as I can, knowing it will take all of me to make it through this. 

I let the fever run its course.

I indulge the delirium it brings with it.

And I wait.

For the calming darkness to come.

So I can find that glow inside of myself again, and find my way back to it.