Sunday, November 1, 2009

Do your homework(revised) - date unknown

Everything is harder .
That’s why only the strongest ones are getting through this. 
It’s raining again and I remember how much I used to love days like these.  There's a part of me that still does, but even the rain has been tainted by it.  Despite the usual suspects like cold and wetness, now even the sound of it whispers the stories behind those bumps in the night.  With all that pitter patter, the soothing sound drowns out dangers footsteps and the sneak attack is always on my mind. All of our fronts have collapsed.  The lines have been broken and now this well coordinated defense has been overtaken by confusion.
It is impossible to keep your eyes on one thing.
Even for a second.
But you make it look so easy, and maybe that is bringing out this jealousy in me.
It hit me hard, and a ready as I've been telling myself I am, nothing can prepare you for the sneak attack.  It comes without warning, and it comes with its homework done.  The sensation is overwhelming, and they just keep hitting us in all the right places, crashing down on us like a titans wave.  There isn't even time to think between blows.
Instinct becomes incapable of coming to the rescue.
So the panic rushes in…
They do their homework.
They go straight for the heart.
That horrifying chill goes up my spine and I feel their slimy fingers grabbing a hold and squeezing for dear life.  It is in moments like these when the glimmer of hope is out of sight, the feeling of defeat and the compulsion to give up are greater than ever.  For a moment, I prepare myself for the end, for rest.  Then that glimmer comes back, it is so distant I wonder if it’s really out there or if this is just what the end looks like.

No comments: