I saw love in their eyes tonight and like some old forgotten language, I could only catch the gist of what they were conveying between one another. Those old feelings do not take much to muster though, and before I knew what was going on, I was wrapped up in memories of you and the times when we looked at each other the same way.
That was a long time ago, far past needing to be remembered. You don’t get to chose what sticks around though and there are some things that you just can't shake off. For me, she will probably always be one of them, “The one that got away” they used to say, an old tragic cliche.
At the end of the day, I get it. I know why thing are the way they are, and even better than that, I know I cannot change the things I would like to. But that’s the life we live, our only choice in the face of this is to make something of the things that we can still change. If there’s one place you can look to find this, it’s inside of yourself. That is a scary journey to take though and even I find myself a coward in times when I should show the bravery my mother used to speak of.
Tragedy is like gravity, it has no morals, and it claims the young and the old alike. It is always waiting around the corner, and he's an unpredictable beast who has no regard for your life when it’s moving along well. When you’re up against such relentless enemies, you must be just as relentless yourself, even in the face of the most hollowing of sights.
This is where so many people lose their ground, when they are not willing or able to do what it takes, to bear witness to the reasons why fear lives in our hearts. It is no surprise that their stomach turns so easily at the sight of it, this isn’t the way things are supposed to be after all. The few of us who can bear the burden of the horror, we lead the scared and weak through the dark with their eyes shut tightly. Like terrified children they don't stand a chance without a hand to guide them through it. I know I can't save them all. Losing her taught me that. I do what I can though, and no matter what that must be enough. If it is not, well, then none of us stand a chance out here.
There's a sediment of my love that has been stirred by the look they have for each other. It’s another reminder among few, another reason why we resist, why we keep this fight going, and why I try to save as many of them as I can. I have no doubt I try so hard because I could not save her, and every hand that takes mine to find a way out, I cannot refuse. When our wars are over, there will need to be someone left behind to learn all the lessons it had to teach us. Otherwise this, all this fades into vanity and nothingness. Part of me cannot live with that, and though I know that could change any day, I will not stop. I will not let this fade without a fight for my life. Even though it may just cost me that, I’m ok with that.
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